The National Addiction Memorial honors the loved ones we’ve lost.

Drugs do not define my son.mHe was awesome and loving and had a huge heart. He loved soccer most of all!!! He tried to get sober on his own but unfortunately fentanyl in cocaine stole him from this earth.

David had a big heart and had many friends who cared about him. He was very close with his family, especially his brother and sister, and he loved spending time with his extended family. He enjoyed outdoor activities and loved his dog, Luna. He was a gifted musician who could play the drums, piano, and guitar, and he also wrote a great deal of music. He loved ping pong and will always be known as the family ping pong world champion.

Kristy was an amazing mother, daughter, and friend. She always put her kids first and showed them nothing less than unconditional love. She loved baking, dancing, goofing around, and enjoying life. Kristy was my mom and I miss her every day. I miss her dancing to Jessie's Girl obnoxiously. I miss cuddling with her and her rubbing my head for hours on end (I will never understand how she was able to do it). I miss baking cookie burgers and other weird desserts with her. I miss arguing with her about stupid things because at least she was around to argue with. I miss her pure acceptance and understanding of everything against the "norm". She always loved my bright hair colors, all the piercings I would get, and all of my tattoos. She accepted me for who I am, my sexual orientation, all of my quirks, and never judged me for all of my mistakes. My moms life was nowhere near easy. She struggled with multiple issues throughout her whole life regarding her mental health and physical pain. My mom is not her addiction and she struggled every day trying to get healthy. She tried so hard to get better, she apologized, cried, got on track, relapsed, overdosed, and the cycle continued. My mom tried her hardest and her effort went unnoticed, mostly by me and I'll never forgive myself. She was the light of every room she walked into. Her laugh and smile was contagious. She always knew how to brighten up the mood. My mom lost her fight with addiction to heroin on October 18, 2017. There will forever be a hole in every heart that encountered her, especially mine. Love you forever mom. I will forever miss the comfort of being in your presence and your unconditional love.

Since the end of 2015 through December 2016, my sister Teresa (Terry) Quigley had exhibited hallucinations and dangerous delusions, which escalated and become more dangerous to her and others.
As best as we, my brother Paul and I, can put together – at the end of 2015 – Terry began seeing someone for pain management. From her visits, she was prescribed the following drugs to assist with managing her pain
OXYCODENE 15MG
12/18/15 120 TABS 02/17/16 120 TABS 03/18/16 120 TABS
04/15/16 120 TABS *05/12/16 120 TABS *05/19/16 120 TABS
06/16/16 135 TABS 07/15/16 135 TABS 08/15/16 135 TABS
09/08/16 15 TABS 09/12/16 150 TABS

She passed away 12/28/16.

TOTAL OF 1290 TABS FOR 9 MOS – OR AN AVG 143 TABS A MONTH – AVG 5 DAY

HOW THIS IS MANAGING HER PAIN, when monthly she’s taking them and every couple of months the quantity is increased – VS – decreased, which would be the way to manage.
At this point, unfortunately, Terry was ‘addicted’ to the Oxy and is deceased.
Terry exhibited several episodes of hallucinations, which also resulted in extreme paranoia and anger to the point of me fearing for my safety.
Feb 16 – Terry and I went to Cabo, Mexico – an annual trip. During this trip, I witnessed the following –
Sluggish and sleepy all the time to the point Terry couldn’t even watch TV or read a book, both things she loves to do.
Terry yelled loudly there was someone in her bedroom – measuring the sliding glass door curtains and keeping her awake – it was about 3:00am when this began and it took me a couple of hours to talk her down – she wanted me to call security to get them out.
Terry was with me at the pool – after much discussion to get out of the room, I finally got her to go. We got to the lounge chairs and she couldn’t stay awake – was mumbling and slurring her words and displayed agitation. After a few hours, she stood up and said I was a B***H that I didn’t wake her to go to the buffet and became abusive to the extent that other vacationers at the pool were concerned. When asked where did she see a buffet – it was a brick wall surrounding the pool area … the security guards were concerned and I did get her calmed down telling her that we would need to leave if she didn’t quiet down. Note – the next day – she was a little better – but when approached by some of the guests as to how she was doing – she became embarrassed as they told her how violent and scary she was yesterday. She asked me – did I do that and when I said yes, she was extremely embarrassed – but had no memory.
Throughout the two week stay – there were several similar incidents and I did tell her I recommended she consider checking herself into a long-term care facility, and if in fact the pain was that bad maybe assisted living would be best.
I got her home, which was difficult as not sure if she would become combative on the plane. I got her a window seat and kept fingers crossed she would sleep all the way, and I guess she took sufficient OXY to assist with that.
Now home – she didn’t remember anything about what occurred – and now a new hallucination. Mid-March, I called and she again got abusive on the phone saying I was trying to steal her home and I had arranged to sell her house and realtors were there showing her house. She had called her lawyer and they were there filing an injunction against me and that she didn’t want to speak with me further. I asked who was there – she said none of my business – I further pursued it and she said my other sister Lorrie was there helping her keep the realtor out. I asked to speak with her and she let me – and Lorrie stated – NO, THERE WAS NO ONE THERE just her and Terry.
In April, Terry fell, hit her head and needed staples to close the wound. She was treated in a hospital. No one knows what or how it happened and she’s not saying.
In May, my brother Paul was visiting. During the visit, Terry fell again, hit her head and was delusional for over a day.
Terry then woke up Paul at 3:00am screaming for him to come downstairs immediately as there was a lady in her living room giving birth. When Paul went downstairs, the front door was wide open, the kitchen table was set with recently made sandwiches that Terry made for “them”. There was NO ONE there and it took Paul several conversations to convince Terry of that.
In June and July there were several phone calls between Terry and myself where she was saying ‘weird things’ like where was I? Her neighbor saw me at the supermarket and I was spying on her? I was living in Spain at the time and nowhere near Long Island.
At the end of June there was a car accident, we don’t know what happened as she wouldn’t discuss and there was paperwork stating if she wants a copy of the report where to send for it. NOTE – the cars front end is damaged to the point you cannot easily open the driver’s seat door and the passenger side mirror hanging on by a cord.
In August, I went to visit Terry for about five days with the stipulation she would sleep in the evenings and we would get out and about during the daytime or I would leave. She did much better – ate well and was sleeping and up and about. Though she did complain about being in pain so I wonder if she cut back on the OXY.
During September, again very odd phone calls and disappeared – not answering calls for many days at a time.
During October, I called and spoke with Terry due to text messages – saying for me to call the police, someone is breaking in, HELP.
Mind you, I was in Spain and she knew that and with the time difference it was sent during a time my phone would be turned off. When I tried to call her, she said all was OK and what was I talking about??
She had several, at least three, alarms where police came out, found nobody breaking in and no threat. Terry was fined $100 for the third time. There have been several times the Suffolk County Police have been dispatched due to her hallucinations about someone breaking in and nothing was found.
The next time we spoke, she said I was to leave her alone as she was working for the military. When I asked what she was doing, she said you’ll find out when the military and FBI come to my house to arrest me for building bombs.
Oct 21 (?) – another car accident – appears she hit the garage door, but not sure – there was a police paper on what to do.
A day or so later, I was on my way flying home and in Madrid airport when I received a text to call her, which I did – no response. Upon landing in DFW airport, my phone rang and it was her – where was I? As she saw me in the parking lot of Target and she needed my help – as she had fallen. She wasn’t on her phone, so I asked her – where was she – and - she yelled – hey where am I?? The person who owned the phone said you’re at -- Target in Montauk – when I asked her to speak to them, she started yelling and told me I was a B***H and she was hanging up and would call me later that night.
That was my last call before her admittance into the hospital, which happened a couple of days later – DUE TO HALLUCINATIONS! Once admitted they found an issue with her heart and opted to treat that vs the real problem of addiction.
My brother and I flew up to see what was going on. While visiting her, we discover that she had broken two ribs and she doesn’t remember when or how. She kept saying nothing was wrong with her and she wants to go home – is belligerent – refuses to wear the heart monitor and arguing with the nurses about taking Lasix and wants her pain meds – as on a scale of 1-10 – she’s a 20!!
Later, Paul, in a conversation, mentioned that she changed to Dish TV – to which she went crazy saying she wasn’t there and someone must have broken in to let them do the installation …. REALLLLY??? A break in to install Dish TV? We found the invoice – it was installed on Oct 17 – and she didn’t remember that she had Dish TV installed (whole house - 3 rooms). Insisted she wasn't home for it. They had to break in and install it without her approval.
Unfortunately, throughout her stay in the hospital, hallucinating continued and she continued to refuse to wear the heart monitor, even though the nurse was very patient and explained that she needed it for them to know what to do for her. She insisted there is nothing wrong with her.

Once again, the system let her down as instead of moving her to a facility to assist her with the problem at hand – the Head of the Psych department spoke with her for about five minutes and deemed her capable of taking care of herself and released her. My brother Paul and I picked her up approximately 7PM and when I went to get the nurse and wheelchair my sister accused me of trying to commit her and that they don’t do wheelchairs anymore. When we got home the first thing she did was search the house to find her pills and got more and more agitated when she couldn’t remember where she put them and accused ME of hiding or worse throwing them away. Paul had to step in to calm her down and get her to tell him what she was looking for as she was tearing the house apart – going through drawers – saying someone has been in her house and put things into the drawer. She crawled upstairs and spent about 30 minutes looking and when she came back downstairs was calmer – she found the Oxy!

HMMMM is this the behavior of a normal person – or a legalized ADDICT?

Terry didn’t complain about pain constantly ... not enough to justify the dosage of oxy that she was on.

I was truly/deeply concerned that my sister, Terry, did not receive the proper medical care.
Finally – if in fact Terry was in sufficient pain to warrant using 5+ Oxy pills per day, then maybe she should be in a safer place to determine what’s causing this pain and what are the alternatives to treat versus this.
All we wanted was to OFFER Terry a better quality of life!!
Terry was a nurse for over 30 years – and spent her career helping people who couldn’t help themselves or who needed her help … She did it willingly and with love and care!! THIS IS WHAT SHE NEEDED someone who would do the same for her – vs – just medicating her …
I am very saddened that my next call was my sister’s Dead!

Big teddy bear. That’s how I would describe him. Youngest of five kids. Followed my dad everywhere. So attached to our mother. Always cried at sappy movies, and even commercials. He might have looked scary, being so big and covered with tattoos, but he was our big teddy bear.

Dad passed and he turned to alcohol and probably more. Got sober for two years! We had a nice picnic at the homestead to celebrate his sobriety! He was on a methadone program but didn’t want the crutch, so he weaned himself off and finally rid himself of it. So proud of him!!! I knew he could do it!

Turn the clock ahead a few years. Mom falls ill with cancer and gives up the treatments. She stayed home until the week before she passed. Kyle has the night shift so the rest of us covered the rest of the time. We always hoped he would endure during her illness but we began to see those familiar signs. He was using again.

He always said he wouldn’t live without my mother. Well, eventually she passed away. But he survived. We all survived. New days on the horizon but he just couldn’t settle. The disease just became so much bigger than he was able to handle.

The day he died he had been put back on the methadone program, and had just took his morning dose, added some xanex, self-medicated with antihistamines, and never woke up.

My sister and I found him. The medical examiners report confirmed that it was an accidental combination of drugs and that he might not have died that day, except he was also self-medicating with antihistamines for a cold, and they believe it was too much for his heart to keep beating. He died in his sleep.

The struggle for those left behind is so real and it doesn’t end. Glad he is not suffering with the disease of addiction. But that doesn’t make it any easier. We miss him every day. I’m helping change the stigma of drug addiction. I’m Shatterproof Strong.

Tee Rae was an Energetic, fun loving, outgoing, and vibrant woman! No matter what she was struggling with she always kept a smile on her face. She was a fierce spirit with no shortage of friends and family who adored her and loved her unconditionally!

Growing up in a small town, everyone kinda knew everyone. And everyone knew Ty. If they didn’t, they wanted to. He was kind, he was different. He had so much love to give and he gave it to so many, expecting nothing in return.
Ty was awake when most were not. I remember falling asleep every other night on FaceTime with him. And sure enough, when I woke up, he was still there, watching a movie on the other side of the screen.
He could talk about anything with anyone with ease. He never judged. He was genuine and honest.

His struggle with addiction made the little things big and the bright side dark. The one thing that was never shaken through it all is the love he had for his friends, new and old, and his family.

Dillan was a "mama's boy". He never did anything wrong. Dillan was the life of the party, plenty of friends, and very athletic with a beautiful smile that attracted everybody to him. He loved the Lord and attended many church functions/camps and even taught himself to play the guitar. In June 2008, his stepfather and the man who raised him, suddenly died of a heart attack at the young age of 41. This sent Dillan in a downward spiral because the last time he spoke to Tom, Tom and I were taking Dillan to a rehab facility for treatment and Dillan was extremely high and angry and said to Tom that he wished he was dead. Two weeks later when Dillan heard the news of Tom's death, those last words he spoke to Tom echoed through and through, never to be silenced...until December 30, 2010, while laying in his bed in a halfway house, Dillan, still struggling with his addiction, and ups and downs of life, chose to use (three days after completing his 4th rehab in 1 1/2 years) and he never woke up. He was found, lifeless, the words finally stopped echoing in his mind, and Dillan returned to his father. The second worst phone call in my life, "M'am, this is Officer Reed of the Phoenix Police Department, where are you?"

My sweet son Dillan Anthony has passed on from this life; he suffers no more. I'll never forget what Dillan told me, he said, "Mom, I'm not a bad kid, I'm just a sick kid" and that is what I wish for more people to truly understand. These are not "bad people"--they are sick people and need the proper care and attention that anybody else gets and is entitled to with a serious life threatening disease. This is not a choice, it's a disease. Dillan was only 19 years young but I'll always remember another thing that Dillan always said, "It's not goodbye, it's see ya later," and I have faith and trust that I WILL see you later my sweet Dillan.

Devin was depressed from the loss of his dad just two years prior and began to use, feeling as it helped him numb his pain. Sadly he got a hold of fentanyl and that was the cause of his death. He was so loving and had many friends and was always the one to make us laugh. And I miss him forever.

B. Hutch.... 💔 How could anyone ever begin to describe the deep ache from a loss like this? There are no words that could even come close to touching the pain. I could never put in words how upset and sorry and angry that this happened to him. Never would I have imagined this. Someone so selfless and full of life taken away so unexpectedly and so tragically. He did not deserve it, no one does. He deserves to still be smiling that heartwarming smile. He deserves to be looking forward to the rest of his life. He deserves a second chance and God I prayed so damn hard, against all the odds, that he would get it. I will never understand why he didn't. I am going to miss him, our random conversations, our random snapchats, and definitely our laughs; he always had a happiness about him that was so contagious. If you saw that smile no doubt you were smiling, too. Never a dull moment with him. Just so many memories instantly taken for granted because I thought there would be more. This is a loss I can't get over, just as I know it is for everyone who cared about him and loved him. Nothing can ever prepare us for losing someone we love- NOTHING! Especially in this way. Overdosing needs a voice. So many hopes ruined... So many dreams crushed... So many lives taken. This has got to stop. I want to be a voice. Did you know that 130 Americans die A DAY from opioid overdoses? That is 130 TOO MANY. Brandon now falls in that 130 and I am not okay with that! When my heart isn't aching, I am fed up and angry. I am so sick of seeing people in and out of jail, people turning into what they were never meant to be, people losing everything, and I am damn near exhausted to my core watching people die because of this evil poison. So heroin, I'm calling you out. You are despised by me. I hate you. I hate everything about you. I hate how you take people away. I hate how you ruin the lives of not only the user but also the lives of people who don't even use. I hate how you take children from parents and parents from children. I hate how easy it is for you to get away with murder. I hate how you're NEVER held accountable. I hate the people who sell you to make a quick dollar; the ones who don't care if it kills someone because their next customer is already on their way to get another bag. I hate how you tempt the greatest of souls. I hate that you took my friend who was doing so damn good without your grip around him. I hate you, heroin. I absolutely hate you. I want my friend back. And since that isn't possible, I'm coming for you. Brandon's story will be heard. It will inspire and it will inform. It will show the beauty of recovery and the ugliness of relapse. It will prove that sobriety is possible and why it's so important to maintain it. HIS STORY WILL BE HEARD. It's seriously time to reduce the stigma of drug related deaths and raise awareness because it's K.I.L.L.I.N.G my generation. It's killing my friends- OUR friends!!!! Ain't it time to stand up and stop being silent??? Brandon's death has literally given me a voice, let it give you one. I already have so much underway and I am ready to stand up for this.

I love you, Brandon. I am so grateful to have had a friend like you. I'm doing this for you. "Goodbyes hurt the most when their story wasn't finished..."

Alex did not set out to change our lives, but his tragic and sudden passing challenged us all to be better, and take care of those around us. He is eternally our guiding light; forever loved, forever missed.

Our Joe struggled with addiction most of his teenage life into his adult years. The turning point was when he hurt his back at work and was given pills for pain. That's when things got bad. He continued to take them and became addicted. Then he lost his job and couldn't afford the pills anymore and someone got him to take heroin. Then the nightmare got bad. He lost his home he worked so hard to get. He lost everything. But he tried to get sober, he relapsed at least ten times, and went through withdrawls on his own. He struggled to get sober but on August 20, 2017, I not only lost my son, but my best friend. He was kind and funny and a gentle soul who would help anyone.

The worst part is he also left behind two kids who miss him dearly. Our hearts are forever broken and our lives are void. Nothing is the same. God Joe, I miss you so much. For anyone that does not understand, don't judge. These are our sons , daughters, mom's and dads, brothers and sisters. No one ever sets a goal in life to say when they grow up they want to become addicted to drugs. Have compassion to at least understand and learn before you judge. They all deserve that. We All Love and Miss you so much JOE. ♥️

James Robert Ruggiero, 30, of Waverly, Pennsylvania, was taken too soon from this world – he died July 31, 2019. He was the son of Dr. Dominic Ruggiero and Aracely Ruggiero. He attended Abington Heights High School and graduated in 2008. He was an awesome life guard, great diver, an avid extreme skier, mountain biker, and rock climber. James was a beautiful free-spirit whose laugh and smile always came easy.

James found his life’s passion several years ago. His passion was to rescue people in need and be active in the beautiful outdoors. He became an experienced outdoor teacher with a tremendous thirst for adventure and outdoor activities. James attended NOLS (National Outdoor Leadership School) in 2017 and 2018, where he received certifications on things like avalanche training, high angle rock rescue, and swift water rescue medicine. James was also a certified wilderness emergency medical technician. He truly loved to help people.

James was currently enrolled at Western Colorado University majoring in Outdoor Education. This brought together everything he was passionate about – he spoke of the stunning outdoors of Crested Butte, the friends he had made, and his training with the Western Mountain Rescue team where he found opportunities to help people in need. He was excited to go back to school and he closed out his first semester with a 4.0.

He used every school break to spend time with his family. He lived every moment like it was his last, giving freely of his time and bringing a smile to everyone he encountered. Unfortunately, James struggled with heroin addiction for many years but in the past three, James had seen a remarkable recovery. Friends, family, and teachers witnessed an outstanding leader, a compassionate friend, a selfless giver, and a joyful spirit. He overcame so much and, in recent years, created such incredibly close bonds with so many. This makes his relapse all the more tragic.

James is survived by his father Dr. Dominic Ruggiero; his sister Michelle and brother Dominic. He also leaves behind his grandmothers, Maria Victoria Suarez and Gilda Ruggiero. He is also survived by several aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, and nieces who are heartbroken in this time of loss.

Kenneth was a smart, caring, and loving person. His addiction started when he got a sports injury and was given opioids for the pain. Kenneth lost his father to colon cancer when he was in his second year at Penn State. Kenneth was a good student, graduated with honors but then came home and got lost. He was very depressed but didn't think a therapist would help him. We as a family struggled along with his addiction for over two years. Rehab after rehab and then a recovery house. The disease was too strong for him to fight. He was kicked out of the recovery house for using and I could not let him go to the streets. He came back home and after just a few days the fentanyl in the heroin killed him. I found him around 6am on a Tuesday morning. My worst fear came true. I am heartbroken along with his other two siblings. The thoughts of him never getting married, having a family, or growing old is sometimes too hard for me to bear. Kenneth you are loved and missed by everyone that knew you.

Pauly was truly one of a kind. He would always listen to what I would have to say. He truly did care about others and put his needs aside for someone else’s. There’s an emptiness in my life and that feeling will never go away. I miss him so much and I would do anything to have one last moment with him. I miss you and love you so much Pauly. You will be forever missed - Your brother Chris.

Rest in Eternal Peace, Nathaniel James Himes, 27. Nathan was born July 21, 1991 in Charlotte, NC, and entered the arms of Jesus just shy of his 28th birthday, on July 19, 2019. The twinkle in his eyes shined bright during his short life and left us with memories of a free spirited soul, a simple, polite, and humble man who was a loyal friend who loved deeply.

Nathan loved motocross, the outdoors, country music, old rock and roll, playing the guitar, and fishing. He had an inquisitive nature for how things worked and took things apart to help figure them out. We called him Nate-man, he lived large and could be the most resourceful and tenacious person in the room.

Nathan fiercely loved his brother, Adam, and longed to make him proud. He encouraged him to get good grades, treat people with respect, and to be a gentleman. Nate loved to work hard and was a man of few words.

Loved by many, Nathan is survived by his Grandmother Chris Jayne, his parents, Jeffrey Himes, Tracy Himes and Pamela Eggert, his "surrogate" parents Aunt Patty and Uncle Jay, his brother Adam Himes, several aunts, uncles, and cousins. Nate's legacy will be honored at a "Celebration of Life" on August 3, 2019. He will be laid to rest among family at The Church of the Resurrection in Greenwood, SC.

Nicky was an amazing child to raise, an old soul from the beginning. He spoke in sentences at nine months and walked at 10 months. He was brilliant, beautiful, and so very kind. He was overweight as a child and some kids were complete jerks to him--although he had his defenders. I think that because of this he felt such empathy for others. From elementary school on his teachers would tell me they would discuss higher learning the other kids just didn’t comprehend.They loved talking to him. The summer before ninth grade Nicky decided to change his appearance and to get healthy. That summer he lost 120 pounds and taught himself Japanese! But he started to get too thin and we saw signs of a problem. He went to therapy and his weight leveled out to a healthy weight but he would always struggle with body issues. We later found out through counseling that he was dealing with some gender issues. He entered high school and the trouble began. It was identified--he found that drugs made him feel better. His strong science/chemistry interest proved to be less of a good thing. We went through all the horrible stuff that families of a sick kid does, the ODs, the rehabs (which, at the time was so bad for adolescents as they just didn’t have the right tools or many options). The fights, distrust, all that. Although he couldn’t bring himself to steal from us, he was relentless when he wanted something and that stubbornness was horrifying. Nick made friends with everyone and would go out of his way for a friend. He had friends that were straight and those that weren’t throughout his life and separated those from each other. As his boss and friend spoke of him at his memorial, he would be great for a while and then just go dark. He lived with his sweet non-addicted girlfriend and kept dealers and substances separate. Except really can that ever be? I don’t know how many emergency rooms and psych hospitals I’ve sat in and visited but the chaos for all of us got extremely difficult. It was excruciating to see his pain. He couldn’t stand hurting himself or us. As you can see, the struggles were there early. It's the chicken or egg thing which came first--depression/then drugs then depression because of drugs?He had a small, stupid court case and I went with him. It was dismissed. We went out to lunch to celebrate. He looked healthy, strong, and softly beautiful at the same time that day so I snapped a pic. I'm so happy to have it. Although we always knew that messing with opiates--especially now with the fentanyl problem --could end him we hoped that it wouldn’t. I call it chemical Russian Roulette. Anyone misusing chemicals understands in the back of their mind that they can die from them, consciously or unconsciously. Understanding the risks. On Friday October 26, 2018 Nicky and his girlfriend had lunch together and made dinner and weekend plans. She spoke with him around 3:45 and would be home about 5. She walked in the door and she immediately tried Narcan, called 911 and attempted CPR to no avail. The police showed up immediately but he was gone. The police from our area -Nick lived an hour away came to our house later that night. We were thinking maybe he was arrested? I still have some PTSD from that as I screamed a sound I’ve never heard come from me and replay the events of that night in my head. Some months later, his girlfriend and I had lunch and she felt guilty for not being home from work earlier, feeling that maybe she could have saved him. I told her we were so happy that she had been in his life the last few years and that if it wasn’t that day it would have been another. We are so devastated. My husband, his younger brother, my parents, Nicky’s and our friends and family. I was inspired to hear the first words from people about Nick was “He was such a beautiful soul.” Each day is different now and always will be......

Rocky also known as Rocko was an amazing person inside and out. An always go-to family member. You could talk to him about ANYTHING with absolutely no judgement. He had a heart of gold and would completely bend over backwards for you. The day he left us, god got an amazing man on his side that day. Rest with love Rocko! I'll always remember you and love you cuzzo!!!

Joel died from complications of heroin and meth use. It was a sad, inevitable end to the battle he waged for at least 15 years and included the usual litany of rehab, sober living, relapse, jail, and the desperation of those who loved him most. He was a prolific writer and talented hip-hop artist - he was an old soul in a young body who never found a comfortable place in this world. He was so much - and not enough - all at once. How we miss his goofiness, his depth, his capacity to love, and his eternal optimism that he could beat anything. When that optimism died out, his end was near.
His rehab experience ranged from basic warehousing - to "gold-plated" 30 day stays with results tied to how much money you had - to forced compliance tied to sentencing - with minimal success. The best treatment he received was the last one - as a condition of early release under California AB 109 he went into a holistic program that incorporated medical treatment, psychological counseling, work release, and job training. Finally, treating the whole person, not just the addict. He did so well we began to hope for a sustained recovery - it was during this program that he first learned he had a serious heart condition that his SUD had only made worse. The most frustrating thing about this program - it would never have been available to him as a non-offender. The options for treatment are woefully few - for this one, you have to show up high. For that one, you have to show up sober. For another one there are no beds so just keep coming back. None of this is conducive to the lifestyle of the addict. Our hearts were broken over and over and over again.
Sadly, Joel began to believe the lie that he no longer needed step studies, meetings, or accountability. The phone call you think you're ready for - you never are. Funny, irreverent, talented, Jesus loving, rhyme spinning Joel - I'll see you again.
"I love you in a place where there's no space and time."